Worst Dates of All Time: Not Hollywood-Enough

I’m a burger eating, malt drinking, yoga girl.

I love the outdoors. I love exercising. AND I LOVE TO EAT FOOD.

Second Worst Date of All Time:  

This was in college.

I went on a date set up by my twin sister, or so I thought. He tells me he knows my twin sister, so I inaccurately assume she has approved of this match.

He picks me up at my parents’ house in a super charged, mustang with perfectly upholstered leather seats and no indication of trash ever having touched the floor. This is in striking contrast with my very lived-in Subaru. He asks me to take off my high heels so it doesn’t damage his floors. This should have been the moment I got out of the car and exited the date, but I didn’t.

He drives me to a nearby restaurant and is very disappointed with my food selections.

“Usually the women I take out to dinner eat salad,” he states with pride.

“Well, I like pasta.” I tell him. I glance up from the menu and observe his deflated facial expression. He recounts the various dates he has been on with Hollywood movie stars and models. He takes great pleasure in sharing the details of their very appealing physique. All were tall with blonde hair, large breasts, and very slender. He must be very disappointed with my appearance, I consider, as I am short, normal-sized, and have brown hair with brown eyes.

The food arrives. I eat most of it. “Usually the women I take out don’t really eat much,” he advises.

“I like food,” I inform him happily.  The waitress approaches and offers us a dessert menu.

“Usually, the women I take out do not like dessert,” he boasts. I meet the eye gaze of the waitress who by now has obviously put it together that we are on a first date. She shares a look of empathy.

“I love dessert,” I tell him and order the chocolate fudge brownie a la mode.

He drives me home and tells me that he had a lovely time and would like to take me out again. I tell him that I enjoyed dinner and say goodbye.

After the date, I call my twin. “How could you set me up with him?!” I ask her incredulously.

“What do you mean?” she asks completely innocently.

“You know! With “so-and-so”.” I tell her.

“Dara, I didn’t set you up with him.”
“But he told me you did.”

We put it together. He is friends with her ex-boyfriend and apparently it was his not-so-brilliant idea to set me up with him.

My twin reassures me, “I would NEVER have set you up with him. He is so full of himself.”